you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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