You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
