I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
