I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
