i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that's an acceptable place to lick
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
