There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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