he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
