O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
