I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
