so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
