My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
