it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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