My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
