in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
