okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
