I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
