Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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