Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
