im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
