I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
