How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
