News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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