Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
