The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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