I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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