Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
