Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
