oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
