I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
