the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
