this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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