Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
