That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize