Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Pooping to opera.
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