I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
