I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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