my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
