hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
