You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Randomize
