oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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