Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize