I have demons in me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
