Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
