i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
