Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
