ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
PANTIES FOUND
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
