walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
