I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize