We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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