can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
