I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
