Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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