he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
