God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize