This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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