nut hugger
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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