better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
