What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
