i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My vagina just clenched in fear
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize