Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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