I'm eating all of the evidence.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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