Its about making memories worth repressing
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
