I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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