hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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