have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
