I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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