He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
