So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize