i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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