I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize