I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't deserve a penis
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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