you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
