I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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