New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
