WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
