Swine flu. Run for my life!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
