Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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