she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
