Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
