he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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