He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
