God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
