I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Boobs speak an international language.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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