She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
